he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
