Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
