Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
