walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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