Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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