Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
