Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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