I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
