I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
