It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think i got beer on your cat.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
