someone threw a dead crab at me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
