Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
