If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
