I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
