The maid of honor just puked.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
