Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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