you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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