i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
