dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
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Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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