If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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