i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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