I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
