someone threw a dead crab at me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
