She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
