Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize