Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
