Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
