How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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