Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
