This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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