It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
