I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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