What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
