Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
