if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
