I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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