i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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