I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
