Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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