sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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