What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
