she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
