Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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