dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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