I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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