how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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