No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
