I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Four minutes until I can fart!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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