So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
