Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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