just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
