Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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