I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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