I forgot how hot balto sounded
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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