um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
