it was like eating out sand paper
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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