He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
