ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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