I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just googled if crying burns calories
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
