bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
