don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
