it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
