butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
