you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
