Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
