it's too hot outside to masturbate.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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