Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
