Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
