Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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