I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
