She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
