if i can run in heels then i can drive
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He felt like a one man threesome
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
