You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Welp...herpes.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
