Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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