can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
