Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
