she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I came so hard my ears popped.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
