He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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