Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize