When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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