I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
