Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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